Who said What? - Understanding the critics in your life.

Posted: Saturday, July 30, 2011 by Unknown in Labels: , , ,
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"Shelly said I was Ugly," my daughter said when she came home from Jr High a few years ago.  “Who did?” I asked. 

“A girl in my English class, do you remember her?" was her reply. 
"I don't, Why would she say that, and more importantly, do you think it’s true?” I asked. 


She thought for a minute , “Not really, but it wasn't very nice of her.”
I agreed, told her how pretty she is, and then we spoke for a few minutes trying to decipher the root of Shelly's criticism. (Shelly liked a boy, who liked my daughter, nothing more... )

“You want critics in your life,” I said to my daughter. 
“Really?” she questioned. “ Yes, trust me on this one.”


Although it’s hard to comprehend for an eleven year old, everyone who has ever accomplished anything significant in life has a loyal, and often vocal  following of critics. You can start with the president, then work backwards from there. Find any successful person or worthy cause, and I can point you at a person, a writer, or an author of a blog that despises them.


We know that the higher you climb the ladder in life, the more your rear end is exposed. 
The truth is; To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, & be nothing.
To put it differently,  If no one is shooting at you, you're not doing enough.

 Critics are a part of life and are not necessarily a bad thing.  We can listen to what is said, then sort through all the noise to see if any of the points are valid. Personally, If I were to internalize ALL the criticism I have received over my 45 years on this planet, I would be a useless  mess.


Criticism on the other hand, can be very helpful if it’s coming from a good source with the right intentions. 
It can help by;
1. Identifying flat spots in your thinking.
2. Making you aware of others’ perspective.
3. Keeping you accountable for your words and actions.


I gave my daughter an outline I have used for years to understand the meaning of it.
“First, you need to weed out jealousy, bitter people, or those with a different philosophical or moral compass.” I said. 
Hurting people hurt people and arguing with someone with a different view of life will usually be a waste of time and effort.

“Next, you have to figure out the relevance. I have always based the weight of any criticism on three factors.  My relationship with the person, their knowledge of the events, and their personal track record. "

I add them up as follows;

Their relationship with me
None 1
Acquaintance 2
Friend 3
Relative/Good friend 4
Mentor 5


Their knowledge of the events in question
None 1
Very Little 2
Some 3
knowledgeable 4
Expert 5

Their  personal track record
None 1
Minimal 2
Average 3
Good 4
Successful 5
 "Add up the three, and this is what you should do," I explained.


3 - 6 Flush it ( Not worth thinking about )
7 - 9 Acknowledge it ( Look at facts to verify )
10 - 12 Consider it ( Most likely some truth in it )
13 -15 Respect it ( Look again at your beliefs and validate them or change)


When a critic scores a 3, you are wasting your time even thinking about it but a score above 10, take notice and improve.... but keep on moving forward!

As Theodore Roosevelt said;

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

That's my take, what's yours?


Lance


( Archived from a previous blog of mine )

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